MUST BE NICE

Holy Smokes Batman, this is flying! 



No He's Not!

Not sure if the weight of the grater will break this bridge, or the weight of this guys balls!!

 

 



HO HO HO

 

 

INCREDIBLE PUMP REGUIRES NO FUEL OR ELECTRICTY

Click HERE to view.

This pump is really amazing. I intend to send this to the Governors office. This could really be useful in the rural communities. Many whom live on the river systems with no wells.

SOMETHING REAL SPECIAL ABOUT THIS.

 

 



PSYCHO KID RUINS THANKSGIVING

I think I would have followed the little bastard up stairs!

 

 

Click HERE to watch the nutcase in action



Funniest Game Show Answers of All Time

Frank Yankovic "You Are My Sunshine"

The Muppets Music Video Compilation

Twenty Needles

( I wrote this a few monhs back. Get it or don't, it's up to you. It's a storyof a puppy dog who had to grow up fast.)

TWENTY NEEDLES

I think I was about 3 months old when John first took me to the vet office. I had always liked to ride in the car, but somehow I knew this trip was going to be different. And it was.

I fought hard as he drug me into that veteranarian office.There were lots of dogs, cats, and other creatures. It smelled funny. It was loud. I was afraid. Surely John would protect me.

Before I knew it a needle pierced my left butt cheek. It hurt and I tried to yell. OUCH!! Another got me in the other cheek. I knew right then and there I hated needles, I knew I didn't like cars, and I was begining to wonder about this guy John. I thought we were pals!

Even after that traumatic experience as a puppy, my life was good. John was a good master. He would go to work and I would spend my timeon the porch waiting for him to return. Sometimes it seemeed like he would never return. But, I frolicked in the yard, just being a dog. I knew he loved me. I was happy. He always returned.

As I grew older, I realized I could dig. John had no idea that I had dug that hole under the back corner of the fence. So, while he was working, I was exploring.

Mrs. McCafferty was the old woman who lived accross the street. Each afternoon she would put something in a dish on her porch. Everytime she did this, she would look in my direction and raise her broom in the air. Her mouth moved, but, I couldn't hear her words. Surely this was an nviation for me to come over and help myself. I knew I was suppose to stay in my own yard and wait for John, but the smell of that wonderful food was just too much! I snuck under the fence and escaped trough the hole I had so brilliantly dug. I headed accross the street to Mrs McCaffertys'. Her gate was open.  No doubt it was left that way so I could enter at will.  There it was on the porch. That special food. YUM! YUM! Boy, it sure was special!

Old Lady McCafferty sure was nice to ME!

Over the next couple of weeks, John would go to work, and I, would wait patiently for Mrs. McCaffert to come onto her porch, put those wonderful morsels in the dish, raise her broom, and give me the sign!! I would call through my secret "hole" and head across the street.

John always said she was an "old hag". But she was always nice to me, that Mrs. McCafferty, I always wondered what I could give her in return.

Don't get me wrong. John always fed me good, but, her treats were the best a dog could ever ask for, and she did it for me everyday. John had no idea about her, she wasn't an "old hag", nor a "witch". She was my best friend! Even though she never gave me an ear skrittchie or rubbed my belly. In fact, I had never actually seen her in person. She was always back in her house by the time I got to the porch. Sometimes I think I seen her in the window with that broom. Even through the window, she welcomed me.

One afternoon, bored, as usual, I waited for Mrs. McCafferty. Yep, here she was, the broom was raised, my sign had been delivered. I headed over.

This time was different!

When I got to the porch, there was a black cat waiting right next to my treat dish. I had never seen a cat before, except that time John took me to the vet. I don't know why, but, I don't think the cat liked me. But, I thought to myself, "what a nice lady, this Mrs. McCaffert she feeds the cats too!"

I approached this cat to introduce myself. Its back went up, the ears became erect, and a terrible hiss came from its mouth.! Its piercing green eyes tore into my soul! I knew I was in trouble! Big trouble. Maybe Mrs.McCafferty had found a new friend and I had better leave.

I turned to go back down the stairs and  in an instant, that insane cat was on my face! I hit the porch and closed my eyes, as twenty needles dug deep into my nose! This was the worse day in my life, even worse than that puppy doctor time. Where was John? I hoped he would come rescueme. I knew he was at work. I had to go. I opened my eyes.

There she was, Mrs.McCafferty. Surely she was going to save me from the menace of this possed cat!

BAMM!!! Her broom hit me square on the ass. The cat jumped over the railing and I ran a fast as I could down the stairs, across the street to my secret hole, and the sancuary of my own yard. My nose felt like it was on fire and it itched bad too! Plus, my ass kida hurt,I sneezed and cried all the way home with my tail tucked deep underneath me. What had I done to deserve this misey?

 When I was home safe I looked over. There she was, with her broom. Did she really want me to come back over? Maybe she IS crazy.

I was okay after a day or so, and John was none the wiser. But I sure was.

I mostly stay on the porch now and wait for John to come home from work. Sometimes I will bark at the mailman, and even the occsional kid on his bike.

I still don't like needles or cars, and I am 100% sure I dont like cats either! Maybe some little old ladies are okay, but I will never again trust a cat!!!

A white car came over by Mrs. McCafferty a few weeks ago. It had a flashing light on top and made a really bad noise that hurt my ears.

Ever since then Mrs. McCafferty didn't come on the porch anymore, and I didn't see the cat either, not that I really cared about that vicious black mongrel, but I did miss the little old lady. She seemed nice. I wonder where she went. I hope is was someplace she likes, I hope she didn't have to take that damn cat with her!

I always hoped that she and that evil cat know I meant no harm that day, I  had only misunderstood.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

Stay in your own yard;

Don't mess with little old ladies;

and, no matter what , DO NOT mess with a cat, or its food!

Cats and the Happy Light

Someone once said, "Dogs have masters, cats have servants." I tend to want to believe this but when the happy light is on all 3 of my cats migrate in front of it. One even meowed at it. So it is nice to know the tables have turned, and I am once again the master.

Shh..don't tell them.

So here they are, my better hallves( though I reserve the right to dispute that.  Curly Q, Skittles, and Bernice.)

The Arctic Turkey

I wrote this story last year around Thanksgiving, Although the events of the story happened a long time ago, the moral is still the same.

The Arctic Turkey

When I came to Alaska all those years ago, I had heard of this Arctic Turkey (turkus arcticus). I knew that my being part of the land meant that some day I would have to hunt this great creature. Even though I had never seen one, in my heart I knew I would never hurt one, but for me to be one of the Great Hunters, I would have to kill one. I knew that if the Gods felt me worthy I would be presented with one for Thanksgiving.

I knew this great bird would sacrifice itself to me as long as I respected the land.

Like many animals in the North, it can change its color in the winter to almost pure white, and then in the summer, it would change into a different color. It was just trying to hide fron the Great Hunter I was soon to become.

The first winter in Alaska, I was determined to show my Father, I was INDEED a Great Hunter. And so with not one hair on my nuts, I chose the shotgun, and I ventured into the woods. I had never actually seen one of these Arctic Turkeys, but I was sure I would recognize it when I seen it. Apparently I forgot it was pure white, but I was determined to prove to my Father, and to this new land, I was a Great Hunter,  and so I ventured down the trail.

I walked for hours, alone, in this new wilderness that suddenly was now my home, soon I will have killed the Arctic Turkey, and my initiation would be complete. Soon I would be a Great Hunter.

Everything was white, quiet and still as I ventured through the woods. Suddenly I heard a movement, and I jumped, it was a Snowshoe Hare, they too turn white in the winter. It scared the shit out of me, and when my heart return to a normal state, I continued on. If I was going to be a Great Hunter, I could not return to the cabin without an Arctic Turkey in my pack.

SWOOSH!!! There it was. I seen the snow move and I remained still, I wasn't able to see anything, all was white. It wasn't lack of hunting experience, but fear that kept me motionless, I knew they could see ME, and so I waited until the snow settled. And then I seen it, a small black eye against the brilliant snow. And I waited silently, and I waited, and waited, when I realized I had to breath it darted off, it was the Arctic Fox, they also turn white in the winter. I was starting to realize that hunting this Arctic Turkey wasn't going to be so easy, especially now that I figured out almost all the animals were white, they could see me coming and would surely warn the others of my approach.

In order to be a Great Hunter, one must come home with an Arctic Turkey. I ventured on. I would not disappoint my Father, myself or this seemingly confusing land where the animals all turned white. I vowed not to return home until I had an Arctic Turkey in my pack.

It was becoming dark and I turned back to the trail I had come from, my head hanging low. Today wouldn't be the day I became a Great Hunter. In the far North, trying doesn't give you something to eat. It was going to be a long walk home. With frozen tears streaming down my cheeks, I knew I wasn't worthy, but I knew I must make it home, and so I ventured back up the trail. This Thanksgiving we wouldn't have an Arctic Turkey on the table. Although I was quite hungry, I was going to be happy for whatever Pop could come up with, beans, or whatever. How could I face him? He sent me out to become a Great Hunter, and now I was returning home with not even a good excuse.

After 5 hours or so walking in the woods, I had seen nothing to take home for the table. Maybe I wasn't worthy afterall, and I had pissed off the Gods that ruled the animals.

I turned the last corner of the trail, and I could smell the wood smoke. I was almost home, a broken defeated young man who may never be a Great Hunter.

And then I seen them. THERE THEY WERE!!!! About 30 of them, and they were indeed white, every last one of them. They were birds allright, not quite as big as I imagined, but surely these were the Arctic Turkeys!

They were beautiful. I had never seen anything like them in my life. I could tell they were a family, a covey they call it. They knew I was there, but they didn't fear me. And, I, of course, had no reason to fear them. But for me to be a Great Hunter, I would have to take their life. I slowly removed the shotgun from my shoulder and pointed it into the middle of this innocent group of beautiful white birds.

I thanked the Gods for sacrificing these beautiful Arctic Turkeys for me. I closed my eyes, and I pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened!

I, the Great Hunter, forgot to load the gun before I left the cabin.

When I made it home my Father was waiting with a great meal prepared, apparently while I was out trying to become a Great Hunter, he was busy making sure the table was full.

I was thankful that day, thankful that my Pops loved me, even though I didn't get the Arctic Turkey,  thankful for a warm place to call home and thankful for something warm in my belly.

After we ate, my Pops explained to me that there is no such thing as an Arctic Turkey, what I seen was Willow Ptarmigan, our State Bird. I asked him why he thought I forgot to load the gun. He told me, "Becoming a Great Hunter is something you earn, not something you wish for."

I hope everyone remembers to be thankful for the small things,  because the big shit doesn't really matter.

Its having someone to love and having a warm home to come back to that matters the most.

Fuck the turkey!

I case you haven't figured it out one is a picture of this beautiful bird in winter, and one in its summer plumage.

Happy Light

Yesterday, my good friend Mark presented me with a Happy Light.

(click on image for a larger view)

Acording to the literature provided by the manufactirer, VERILUX, the Happy Light is  a Sunshine Supplement Light System.

Because it mimicks the same spectrum as natural sunlight, exposure to this light for 30 minutes a day can counter the effects of S.A.D.

What is S.A.D?

"Seasonal Affective Disored is a medically recognized type of depression. It is characterized by abnormal mood episodes that occur at the same time of year on a regular basis.

S.A.D. has been associated with the hibernation cycles of animals. Research has shown S.A.D. is triggered by a response to seasonal decreasing light levels. As the days grow shorter and light becomes less intense, the desire to "hibernate" increases.

Typical S.A.D. symptoms include:

-Depressed mood, despondency

-Lethargy, excessive tiredness

-Anxiety

-Social problems, social withdrawl

-Weight gain, carbohydrate cravings

-Irritability

-Difficulty concentrating

-Decreased libido

Apparently using this light for only 30 minutes per day can help decrease some of the symtoms associated with S.A.D.

Having lived in the North for over 30 years, I can attest personally that these symtoms are real. Many studies have been associated with this disorder and this type of light therapy has been proven to counteract these symtoms.

These natural spectrum bulbs are available for your standard lamps and come in many different bulbs to fit your existing lamps.

Although Spring is just arount the corner in the Far North, I will not be able to give you a qualified report until next spring. I intend to use this, however, until June, when the sun never sets. On the opposite side of the coin, on December 21st here in Fairbanks, we only recieve about 3 hours of sunlight per day. Points farther North the sun sets and doesn't reappear for several months.

I remember reading that in Siberia, the schoolchildren are required to go into a room where this type of light fills the room for 30 minutes or so. I remember the picture of all these school age children standing in a gymnasium wearing eye protection.  Although this type of light isn't harmful to the eyes, like any type of light, staring into it directly isn't good.

After plugging in and turning on this light less than 20 minutes ago, I am begining to see how this sort of light therapy could be beneficial.

I encourage anyone interested in this to visit the VERILUX website to get a better understanding on how this type of light can be beneficial to your overall health, whether or not you live in the Far North or not.

You can visit the VERILUX website by clicking here.

This is an encouraging way to get the light you need during the long winter months.

I hope you all take a minute to learn a little bit about full spectrum lighting and how it can help you stay "happy".

Tell them I sent you, maybe they wil advertise on my site.

I will look into seeing if this type of light is good for growing things indoors.

The Bee Trap

So many people have asked me about this ingenious way to capture those pesky bees that I decided I had better explain how easy it is for you to create your own. Truthfully, I don't remeber who taught me this. I can promise you one thing. IT WORKS!!! And it works well.

Pretty simple. Take an empty plastic jug (the example shown of course is a milk jug), but any jug will work. Milk jugs seem to work the best. I f you live in an area where bees are especially bad, one could certainly make one out of a 5 gallon bucket with a lid. But if you have bees so bad you need a giant bee trap....MOVE!! Get the hell out of there!!! LOL

But seriously. Just cut a couple holes in the side of the jug as shown. I think my example only shows 2 holes, but 3 are better. You don't really want to do 4, you want a little rigitity  left. Poke a small hole in the cap and feed in a small wire. Tie a washer or something to keep the end from sliding through.

Fill the bottom of your trap with regular old water and give it a couple shots of dishwashing liquid.

Tie some sort of raw meat to the end of your wire and let it hang just above the soapy water.

The bees will buzz around inside and eventually come in contact with the water, they only have to touch it slightly and they are done.

In all the years I have used one of these I have noticed very few bees come out once they enter.

The key is to keep the bait as close to the water as possible and keep the water level up to the bait. The stinkier the better!!!

(authors note: I once had only one or two bees fucking around, I made one of these bee traps, and in less than 15 minutes the entire surface of the water was covered. I didn't see that many bees when I set it out, but they sure came. Perhaps it was to help their distressed bees. Don't know, don't care. Build it and they will come.)